LIVING

With EoE, Allergies, Asthma and a G-Tube

Down in the Dumps

20181027_203530.jpg“Why is my life so tough? Am I a bad kid?”

 Wow, that note from Tinleigh blew me away.

Broke my heart.

Scared me.

Made me face a new reality that we must face having a chronic lifelong illness.

It really upset me realizing the older they get it’s probably going to get a lot harder emotionally. I feel like it’s my job to make it all okay.

Tinleigh knows scopes are coming up and she’s anxious. She’s mad. She’s very upset about it. She HATES the IV. She’s a girl that likes to be in control. That comes straight from me. So, I’m certain getting an IV then being put to sleep is so hard for her. She’s not in control of any of it and it’s all happening to her.

Her most recent fit was when she slipped me this piece of paper with her little words. So, we sat on her bed and had a talk. It’s frustrating. We’ve been doing this for SO LONG that you would think something like a scope would be routine for her. Although the timing is routine it’s like a whole new experience to her every time. I reminded her that the last 2 times she told the Doctor that it was a piece of cake when we were all done. She of course argued with me and refused to believe she would say something like that. Then she asked me “Why do we even have to get scoped?”. That stopped me in my tracks. Even though we’ve been doing this since she was a baby she didn’t understand why. She knows the words EoE and anaphylaxis, but the definitions were a muddy mess. Tinleigh didn’t realize they were 2 totally separate issues. I had to re-explain EoE and why we needed scopes. Which of course didn’t make anything better, but now she understands why.

20181128_173519.jpgSince starting Tinleigh on steroids we’ve seen a huge change in her. It’s so ugly. She does just fine at school. She’s her cheery little life is amazing self. At home though, we’re on eggshells to not set her off. Being the strong headed little spirit she is once she goes off the edge it’s a battle. It could be anything from one of the other kids upsetting her to me telling her no. She will argue and fight until she’s blue in the face. She screams and grunts and cries for an hour. It’s not her though, it’s the steroids. She can’t control it. It’s the steroids that wrote that note. What do we do though? She can eat so much right now. She’s so happy about eating. We can’t take it all away.

That note though. As a mom with 3 kids having chronic illness, I wasn’t prepared for that. I thought we were doing pretty good. Having a positive outlook has always been our goal. Maybe it’s going to take more than that. Is there a book for moms on all this? How to handle each phase of life while dealing with chronic illness? I’m not even sure there’s a book with how to deal with phases of life while having “normal” kids.

20181014_215251.jpgGage has been down in the dumps for about a month now. He doesn’t say much, won’t say anything when asked. He just wants to sit in his chair. Nathan, Charlie and I all sense it. He’s quick tempered now. That has never been his personality. We wonder if the high dose of steroids he’s on are affecting him. We know a few friends with EoE that couldn’t do the steroids. They cause them to become angry and turn into little monsters. It’s really a tough call though. We started the steroids so that Gage and Tinleigh could eat. We wanted to make them happy again. However, the steroids could be making them angry. If we take them away, they’ll be back to little to no foods and be very sad again. Do we endure the moodiness and let them eat? Or do we selfishly take away the steroids to see if we get our loving happy kids back? Would they really be happy though?

We meet with our GI this week for scopes. Steroids, anger/depression and options will be our focus topics. I must get things figured out for these two kids. 20181204_193236.jpg

December 9, 2018 Posted by | daily life, Gage's allergies, LIVING, Tinleigh's allergies | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

   

%d bloggers like this: