This is long…
Gage has been trialing dairy. He had been begging to trial it. Our GI said okay, let’s just let him trial it and see what happens. The thing about dairy is it’s a huge trigger for the majority of EoE kids. The last time Gage had dairy he was 4. It was the very last thing we removed from his diet before he got his feeding tube.
Gage has had symptoms. He’s typically not symptomatic. He has had blood in his stool, his throat burns, chest pain, reflux, dark circles around his eyes… all signs he was failing. I only knew about the eyes and blood. He was keeping the other stuff from me, but told the GI doctor at our appointment. The thing about my boys is they don’t tell me these things unless it becomes unbearable. They’re tough kids. A few days after the check up with GI Gage had his dairy trial scope. I knew it probably wouldn’t be good. After the scope the doctor came out with pictures as usual. He said it really hadn’t changed since his last scope, which was a fail. So I assumed dairy was a fail, but had hopes that maybe it was a low fail and it may be something he can have every now and then. He has so many Ige allergies it almost seems like we’re running out of options to trial. Ige allergies are separate from EoE triggers. They can sometimes cross paths, but if he’s having a reaction to a food he’s not going to trial it in fear of an anaphylactic reaction.
Today the nurse called me with the results. Dairy is a huge fail for Gage. Eosinophil counts should be zero in the esophagus. Gage’s mid esophagus count was above 120, his lower esophagus was above 100. We will have to remove dairy for 6 weeks to let him heal and not add anything new in. We then need to decided if we want to wait 2 more weeks and scope him to make sure he is back at zero. We had removed rice, his first passed trial, because his numbers continued staying elevated. Which I think we will scope at 8 weeks. Then he will begin a lamb trial. With $5 strawberries and blueberries right now, along with $6 bags of shrimp and Tinleigh’s $5 chocolate chips why not add a super expensive meat. I may need a go fund me page just for our grocery bill.
I am so sad for Gage. I don’t even want to pick him up from school today because I don’t want to tell him it’s a fail. Dairy was his dream food. He can’t have it, probably, for the rest of his life. This disease sucks. I can’t stop crying today. It’s rough on a mom. I know it’s him going through all of the scopes, skin prick testing, allergic reactions, pain from food trials, disappointment from failed scopes, it breaks my heart though to watch him endure all of this. It’s becoming harder and harder for me to stay positive for him, but I do.
This was a hard year for me. I’ve spent the last 6 years navigating this disease for 1, then 2, now 3 kids. I’ve learned so much about food, ingredients and have memorized so much. I’ve learned to keep them safe and taught them how to keep themselves safe. Crossing into 2015 I sort of took a step back and focused on myself for a bit. Something I hadn’t done in a long time. I chopped my hair off, got glasses that I had been avoiding for 10ish years, got myself into shape and started delegating jobs around the house so I didn’t feel so overwhelmed. It was the scopes in June that it hit me. I was feeling really good about life then I got the phone call that they had failed their scopes. I’ll never forget the feeling I had after that call. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Sort of like a back to reality hit. I cried and was really upset, more than I normally am. It really got me thinking and I’ve had a million conversations in my head the rest of the year.
I think I’ve entered the next phase of a mom with chronically ill children. The first phase was figuring everything out. Not it’s just a this is life, forever, phase. The reality is, it’s really sad. Do other moms like me go through these phases as well? It’s exhausting to think about. I don’t know why, but I feel really emotional now about the kids when it comes to EoE. Maybe my mind was so occupied before trying to figure everything out that I didn’t really see this lifelong disease for what it is. Now that I seem to have a lot more knowledge I can see the LONG road ahead of us. It seems like yesterday that Gage was diagnosed. It’s been 6 years. It flew by so fast.
I’ll never forget the first few videos about EoE I watched in horror thinking that will never be my kid and we’re going to beat this. Boy was I wrong. Maybe that’s also part of why I feel the way I do now. I am exhausted from hearing blow after blow for them when it comes to more Ige allergies and more failed scopes. I know that’s how it’s always going to be. Today when I told Nathan about Gage’s scope results and how I just can’t quit crying for him he told me “Gage is strong. I need to get it (crying) out of my system and be strong again for him.” He also said “You are much stronger than you should be asked to be.” He’s right. That makes me wonder, maybe I’ve just held all the tears in for 6 years and I just can’t anymore. I don’t know. It feels like I’m somehow on the other side of things now looking in. Does that make sense? Maybe this seems silly to some for me to share all of these emotions, but there may be another mom out there wondering and feeling the same as I do. My blog has always been to help others stay positive and keep going. I have hopes to let other moms know, they’re not alone and that I’m not some wonder woman. I have feelings too. I’m going through my own journey as the kids face a chronic illness.
I do know that we will move forward as we always do. Gage and I will probably share some tears tonight. Tomorrow is a new day and this is our life. We will focus on something happy, like our upcoming vacation, and push the bad aside. Please lift Gage up in prayer that he has the strength to keep moving forward with a positive attitude. I know that God will give you, at times, more than you can handle. That’s when you lean on Him for guidance, strength and all you need.
Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal.
In January I took all 4 kids to see the GI, that was an experience.
We know now what we’re doing with each one for the year.
Charlie: he is currently trialing shrimp. We thought it was going well until he had a reaction at dinner. Not a major one. Itchy bottom lip, itchy fingers and the outside of his throat was itchy. We will try it one more time to see if maybe there was some cross contamination with that bag of shrimp. Charlie will be scoped in March as long as we continue trialing shrimp. Next trial will be eggs, as in scrambled. He already passed eggs baked in things. After that he’s pretty much done. There isn’t anything else on his do not eat list that he doesn’t have and Ige reaction to. We will also be keeping a close eye during scopes as to what else is going on in Charlie’s esophagus.
Gage: He will continue food trials. He hasn’t grown much this past year and GI is concerned a bit about that. So we’re going to give him until June in hopes he’ll have a growth spurt. If he hasn’t grown much more then GI wants to look at his growth hormones and make sure everything is in check. His feet just grew a ton so I’m thinking he’s about to shoot up a few inches soon.
Tinleigh: Since Tinleigh’s last horrific scope we are going to let her go at her own pace. The doctor had a sweet talk with her and reassured her that everything will be fine. She told her that when SHE decides she wants to be scoped so she can move forward trying new foods then we will. Tinleigh is currently trialing black beans and it seems to be going okay.
Layon: She is such a picky little eater and some days won’t eat hardly anything. GI wants me to just treat her as a picky eater for the next 6 months. Keep introducing foods over and over and over. Do not let her graze and sit her at the table 5-6 times a day to eat. If she’s not eating in 6 months we may scope her again. Her favorite food right now is ice chips. She chews things then spits it out. It’s frustrating to have a “normal” toddler. Of course in the back of my mind I worry she has it. However, I have to try and stay positive and believe that she doesn’t.