Standing at my post in the kitchen I found myself questioning things and asking God why.
I’m going to type this out just as the questions flowed through my mind.
Why did You chose me to live this life?
Why did You chose me to be their mom?
Why did You create this horrid disease?
Why do kids have to go through such things?
What about those poor kids I read about with Epidermolysis Bullosa?
People with cancer and other life threatening disease?
Did You create such things so others have jobs to find cures?
Was it to give others a purpose in life.
I do believe everything happens for a reason.
Did You create disease like these to teach lessons?
What am I suppose to be learning from all of this?
Why are the little ones who live their lives fighting chosen to do so?
Or are they little angels sent here to teach us?
Have I messed up somewhere along the way and you’re now showing me how to live by your word, the right way?
When do I get a break?
Why does it just keep rolling my way?
Why do I sometimes feel as if I’m in a movie and the whole world is watching, just waiting to see me crack?
Is our family going to be the one that helps the doctors break through to finding the cause and cure for Eosinophilic diseases?
How does everything tie together?
What is the plan for us? For me?
Where is this path taking us?
Am I suppose to do something great as an advocate for EoE?
I keep searching for my next step beyond my blog but haven’t seen what to do.
When will I know my next step? Will I just continue as I am doing when my kids have kids?
Will I care for my grandchildren as I do my own because they will have this same disease?
Will they have it?
Will it be worse for them?
Please let there be a cure by then.
Or is this it?
You chose me for them because you knew I could do it?
You knew I wouldn’t give up?
I’ve not a selfish bone in my body. I would give anything for them.
Did you create me just to be here for them?
How does it all work?
Will I ever get to do the things I pictured myself doing?
Is it selfish of me to wonder such a thing?
I just want a pottery wheel and kiln.
Why does my family have to go through all of this and why can’t I just fix it?
Such a mean thing for all 3 of my kids to have to deal with their entire life.
Yes, Lord it could be much worse.
I do realize that, but, this is our life and what we deal with. It’s in our face everyday.
I know I shouldn’t complain but darn it I think I have a right.
We seem to have more downs that ups lately.
How about You give us a few good months this year.
We just need some uplifting. Well, I do anyways.
Of course You create kids to see the good until taught otherwise.
It just so happens you gave me great kids with big hearts and very positive spirits.
So maybe I should take from that and just keep going.
Continue to love them and stay positive.
Right back at where I started, with starting this blog.
To show others how when dealing with allergies, asthma, EoE and a feeding tube we keep on LIVING.
God, please continue guiding me and protecting my children.
Just my thoughts….